With Opening Day so close I'm having hot dog-based fever dreams, I decided to face a pair of problems squarely. One is how to properly organize my thoughts about the critical storylines we'll be following on MLB Trade Rumors this season. The other? How to entertain my daughter, who just turned one. Let's face it: after a while, even an infant turns to you with a look that says: "I get it. Pat the Bunny is both a proper name and a suggestion. What else you got?"
So to help her to sleep at night, let's take a look at what will keep the rest of us up, furiously refreshing the page:
A is for Albert, El Hombre's contract year
Who will show him the money? Should Cardinals fans have fear?
B is for Beltran, the limping Met in right
Look for New York to deal him to someone in the fight
C is for Crawford, who Sox got with late swoop
Did Boston overpay? And how do Rays regroup?
D is for Doug Davis, a story sweet and true
He'll soon help some rotation, and tears will flow on cue
E is for Ethier, who Dodgers may soon deal
While stardom is elusive, his production is for real
F is for Fielder, first baseman oversized
Who may lead Brew to pennant, then be free agent prize
G is for Gerrit, Cole should go first in draft
Consensus is a different pick would be extremely daft
H is for Houston, where Drayton's leaving town
New boss must reverse trend of Astros heading down
I is for Iannetta, catcher a mile high
Will he fulfill potential? Or will Rockies say goodbye?
J is for Javy, the once (and future?) stud
Will move from Yanks to Marlins revive this Gotham dud?
K is for K-Rod, will his huge option vest?
If he finishes 55, the Mets have failed their test
L is for Lee, last winter's big to-do
If Cliff's performance dips, how soon will Philly boo?
M is for McCourt, whose divorce battle rages
Will it affect the Dodgers' ability to pay their wages?
N is for Nathan, who's back from elbow woes
A large amount of money will ride on how he throws
O is for Orioles, with new faces from the past
In league's toughest division, they still should finish last
P is for Pirates, where hope is finally seen
Will record, after years of losing, mirror Charlie Sheen?
Q is for Quentin, Pale Hose need him to bash
With strong walk year, by winter's end he'll be awash in cash
R is for Reyes, a decent bet to go
A bidding war this summer will deal Mets fans a blow
S is for Sabathia, opt-out can make him free
But who'll outbid the Yankees? No one that we can see
T is for Tampa, in division nonpareil
Rays spent sparingly this winter, but what they spent, spent well
U is for Utley, who battles Wounded Knee
If he cannot recover, who will his stand-in be?
V is for Victor, who Tigers signed for bat
But now they'll catch Avila? I mean, what's up with that?
W is for Wilpon, who faces massive debts
The smart money says he will be forced to sell the Mets
X is for Xavier, left fielder at Chase
Expect him to have 25 home run pace
Y is for Yankees, and here is some advice
When you deal them a pitcher, make Montero the price
Z is for Zambrano, half-pitcher and half-storm
Says here that he will recapture his earlier ace form
WolandJR
g is for get a life. love this site, but you obviously have too much time on your hands. try a going on a date or building model airplanes or something.
Rick Grimes
L is for LAME…you got that one wrong. Really…you did not have to make it rhyme…
vonhayesdays
you forgot D is for Disaster , cuz thats what this was
Rick Grimes
True, I did…L was the first one that came to mind.
vonhayesdays
all in all one of the funnier threads ive ever read
tacko
4/26 of these are meant to dampen Mets’ fans mood the night before opening day. Get a life.
Todd Smith
Because Mets fans had nothing to be upset about until this post happened…
Tony Hui
you must not have known what happened at wounded knee to make such an ugly joke about utley “battling wounded knee”. serious lack of taste.
Tom
It’s been how many years? Are you really going to nitpick about something meant for amusement. History reigns eternal, but if we watch what we say or reference for every atrocious thing in history we’d need a new language and retire words like numbers are in baseball.
JacksTigers
We don’t need a new language. My History teacher spoke and English and I got the jist of what’s happened in the past.
timm-5
over a century is waaaaay too soon.
Joe L
Ann Frank was not over a century ago….
rathman53 2
While I appreciate the effort, that was cheesy as hell.
JacksTigers
This had SO MUCH potencial.
+1 for the idea
+1 for the “B is for Beltran, the limping Met in right”
-3 for everything else
The rhyming was a little over the top.
JacksTigers
I rapped this out.
DunkinDonuts
This made my seven-month-old daughter cringe, and she’s usually pretty receptive to stupid things.
YanksFanSince78
There’s ajoke in here but I’m trying to be a Christian.
DunkinDonuts
It only counts as a set-up if someone follows through with the knockdown. Your Christianity is depriving the MLBTR community of potential gems, and that’s not very Christian of you. Just saying.
mhaftman7
For further future reference, Philly fans don’t “boo” failure. We “boo” lack of effort. But way to jump in on the bandwagon that is the national media. I know, maybe we’ll get lucky enough to have the opportunity to throw snow balls at the Astros before, during, and after the game.
DunkinDonuts
So what did Santa Claus ever do to you guys? Did he not bring enough cheer to boys and girls the world over? Did he not put sufficient effort into his sleigh-driving, despite managing to visit homes on six continents in the span of a single night?
metsman
talk about bandwagon…you can speak for an entire fanbase? 90% of people who boo at any baseball stadium do so because they are drunk….a sensitive Philly fan, how sweet!
damnitsderek
Philly fans boo things that they either don’t like or that did not go in their favor.
See: Drew, J.D.
rfffr
I think Parra is more likely to start in left than Nady so 25 may be hard to come by.
Hits & Gigs
I enjoyed it.
But then again I’m procrastinating so I enjoy everything.
Sniderlover
Hahah I can’t believe so many people are so serious. Lighten up.
JacksTigers
I can’t believe it’s not butter.
Infield Fly
W is for Wilpon, who faces massive debts
The smart money says he will be forced to sell the Mets
I say “H” for HOT DAMN, and HURRY UP [lets]!! : p
DunkinDonuts
W is for Wilpon, he and Madoff were in cahoots…
Here’s hoping they get fitted for matching jumpsuits.
Infield Fly
…And D is for “damn straight,” ’cause that is a sentiment to which I relate!
JacksTigers
F is for…..
$3866193
W is for the words that I’m about to say:
Everybody chill out and enjoy Opening Day!
😀
JacksTigers
Whats with the random spacing in the middle of X. I felt that needed to be said.
JacksTigers
Sorry for the trolling. I’m bored as hell and not ready to go to bed.
whatever
What the hell is going on in this thread?
vonhayesdays
pure comedy and some over excitement for opening day
whatever
Fail and bans. Thats all I see.
vonhayesdays
relax , tell me you didnt laugh multiple times in the last 20 minutes reading this
whatever
A lil bit.. but the Mods are gonna come through here with a bulldozer
vonhayesdays
really i only see one or two that might be ban worthy and only one for sure
Aaron Aye
i made it one letter
whatever
Oh its coming..
vonhayesdays
the end is near
whatever
You have no idea.
vonhayesdays
Seriously though this site is moderated by some sticklers thats for sure.
whatever
Way back in the day the site wasn’t really moderated at all. But I’m sure the users on the site has gone up like 200 percent.
vonhayesdays
they removed a comment i wrote one time about a police officer who murdered somebody, mike vick and plaxico and it wasnt insulting to anybody but the american judicial system and they left one about cops anally rapping a prisoner with a baton , so i guess it depends on who is doing the moderating but if you look at the rules their pretty strict about comments
KeithG
H is for Horrible.
Dodgerblue18
LOL at every comment I have read hooooooooly Mccourt…
frontdeskmike
I appreciate the originals, but does this really fit this site?
mlbtraderumors.com/about_mlbtraderumorscom/
mad_dog31
kinda sad that 1 there are a couple people on here dumb as hell…mr. rapper boy up there and 2 the only teams that reallly mentioned no matter how bad they are, were the high market teams…such garbage…
Kevin Chambers
Is Quentin in his walk year?
JacksTigers
I belive you have the first serious baseball comment thus far. And it only took 98 before we got to it. I feel happy and ashamed at the same time.
Stl_Great
But yet you fail to answer his question. Yes, Quentin is in his walk year.
MadisonMariner
I’m not sure which was worse:
a. That it took so many comments(the 2nd page of comments, in fact) to address this issue or…
b. That when it finally got addressed, no one posted the correct info that no, in fact, Quentin is not in a “walk year”. He can’t become a free agent until after the 2012 season, in fact(unless the White Sox non-tender him after 2011, for some as- of-yet undetermined reason.)
If you want proof, go to Tim’s article on the subject from 3 months ago:
mlbtraderumors.com/2010/12/potential-free-agent-ba…
Still, nice effort by Howard, even with the bit of misinformation. 😉
frontdeskmike
I actually thought it was pretty entertaining!
Encarnacion's Parrot
@JacksTigers
I could care less about his grammar. It’s the hypocarcy that I am talking about.
This is a bit of an oxymoron, no? You’re trying to prove a point about his hypocrisy on grammar.
In any case, out of the 116 comments on this page, at least 100 induced a concussing facepalm, and after thinking for unknown reasons that Rickey Henderson (RE: laugh) was a shortstop, I don’t need these haha!
EDIT: Disqus fail count 3643724637824632678 and rising.
JacksTigers
There aren’t enough numbers in the world to count all of the Disqus fails. And I’m tired and going to bed. Good luck to everyone and I hope you guys survive the war zone that will be bannishments and removed comments in the morning.
East Coast Bias
Uff, so glad I’m not working the mod shift today. This thread is ridiculous!
Infield Fly
What about now? :p
East Coast Bias
Okay, just ran through this thread. Hope I didn’t miss anything. What a mess!
Infield Fly
I think you nailed it. Bravo!
Anyway, happy start of the season. I notice some guy named Sabathia looked pretty good yesterday…almost unheard of for him in early spring. 🙂
icedrake523
That’s gold, Howard. Gold!
jpfeiffer001
straight up i want your job. i can tell your living the life since your writing the abc’s to your kid in baseball form. this is my f’ing dream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charles Tetrick
WOW that’s all I got to say
whatever
I guess everyone is just on a good baseball season opener high.
LETS DO THIS!! 2011 is now!
fgsfsfbbbrd
#winning @ the charlie sheen reference ! haha
MeowMeow
This is the best thing that has ever appeared on MLBTR. Ever.
grownice
P is for popsicles… Mmm popsicles
richard
This is not Quentin’s walk year. He is arbitration eligible, one more year.
Stephen S
Why is it for the first 2 weeks of the season the home teams aren’t warm weather cities and domes? Arizona AT Colorado? Atlanta AT Washington? San Diego AT St Louis…really?
BJ Fledgling
N is for New York, baseball’s only home
Having garnered just under 1/4 of the entries for this poem.
SoCalAngelsFan75
Maybe it’s the excitement of opening day but I got a kick out of this.
zack
hahaha never got as much enjoyment out of reading comments on this site as i have on this thread.
Patrick OKennedy
Well, since the Tigers didn’t make your headlines…
AA is for Al’s kid, the catcher of the present and future
BB is for Boesch, who’s known for his basch
C is for Coke, things go better with him
D is for DD, the architect of the roster
E is for Enrique, swingin the mop
G is for Guillen, still limping along
H is for Jhonny, and it doesn’t belong here, either
I is for Inge, the great Brandbino
J is for Justin, the ACE of the staff
K is for Kelly, mister versatility
L is for Leyland, skipper of the team
M is for Miggy, best hitter in the game
O is for Ordonez, on base and on track
P is for Porcello, and Penny, and Perry
Q is for Joaquin, set em up and shut em down
R is for Rhymes, and lots of good times
S is for Scherzer, and Schlereth, and Santiago
T is for Thomas, as in Cletus and Brad
V is for Valverde, Victor, and Villarreal
W is for Casper, and hope he does Wells
X is for AJax, gold glove on the way
Y is for Rayburn, but without the Y
Z is for Zoomer, at 100 mph
The three letters missing are F, U, and N.
Let the games begin, because Baseball is FUN!
Aaron Sawatsky
The World series winning San Francisco Giants aren’t a storyline at all?
The Big Clayboski
If it doesn’t relate to the Mets somehow, Howard’s not interested.
Kyle Yampiro
Absolutely not, with regard to the Yankees. They’re always criticized for trading away young talent for proven veterans – this is their chance to let the farm system work for a position player again, much like Jeter, Posada, and Cano have worked.