Dillard began doing some writing for MLBTR back in 2017, beginning with thoughts from early Spring Training that year and continuing, on occasion, through the 2018-19 offseason when he attended the Winter Meetings as a minor league free agent in search of an opportunity. The structure of his entries and his voice within them were uniquely Tim, and we were happy to host his writing over the years as he shared experiences, anecdotes and the more-than-occasional inanity from the road. You can check out his full archive here.

Tim was a 34th-round draft pick by the Brewers back in 2002 and by 2008 had reached the Major Leagues for his first taste of The Show. He’d go on to spend parts of four seasons with the Brewers, including a 2012 campaign in which he tossed a career-high 37 innings with a 4.38 ERA. From 2011-12, the sidearmer was an oft-used and solid piece of the Milwaukee bullpen. He spent another 13 seasons in the Triple-A ranks, including a 2019 run with the Rangers organization, played parts of three seasons on the independent circuit — two with the Atlantic League’s Lancaster Barnstormers and one (2020) with the American Association’s Milwaukee Milkmen — and turned in an all-time great lip sync performance at the 2017 Univision Awards.

Tim — congrats on spending nearly two decades in pro ball, and thanks for all the fun here at MLBTR over the years! Best wishes!

Swihart, 27, has just not managed to turn the corner at the game’s highest level. But he remains an intriguing talent and could be an interesting potential final bench piece if he shows well in camp. The former top-100 prospect owns a .243/.301/.355 batting line in 696 career plate appearances at the game’s highest level.

It seems harder to imagine Flynn cracking the Rangers’ relief unit after another tough season. Through 187 2/3 frames in the big leagues, he carries a 4.41 ERA with 6.4 K/9, 4.4 BB/9, and a 42.4% groundball rate. The 29-year-old showed somewhat reduced velocity last year as well. But he has been able to keep the ball in the yard, which is something that couldn’t be said of quite a few fully established major leaguers in 2019.

Dillard, a former MLBTR contributor, will continue to function as a Triple-A pitching sage and bringer of merriment after a surprising return to the rotation in 2019. No small part of his role will be to help bring along players such as Reyes, a 27-year-old former Cardinals and Rays farmhand who has yet to crack the majors. Reyes owns a 4.96 ERA with 7.1 K/9 and 3.5 BB/9 in 330 career innings at Triple-A.

As for Bush, he’s going to miss a large portion of the coming season after undergoing Tommy John surgery in July. The Rangers obviously still see reason to hope that the 34-year-old can return to the form he showed in 2016-17, when he pitched to a 3.08 ERA over 114 innings.

Bush, 33, is already known to be out for at least the first half of the 2019 season after undergoing September surgery to repair a partial tear of the ulnar collateral ligament in his right elbow. It should be noted that Bush did not have Tommy John surgery, though the exact nature of the procedure he underwent was never announced. The most notable alternative to Tommy John surgery is “primary repair” surgery, made most famous by former Cardinals and Royals right-hander Seth Maness.

Regardless of the specifics, the Rangers again indicated in today’s release that Bush could be ready to pitch in July 2019. He was a useful reliever for the Texas organization from 2016-17 but struggled to a 4.70 ERA with career-worst K/9 (7.4) and BB/9 (5.5) marks in 23 innings of work this past season.

Curtis, 26, was an August waiver claim by the Rangers out of the Phillies organization but didn’t fare well in his minimal time in Texas. In just 6 2/3 innings, the lefty was tagged for seven earned runs on six hits and a staggering nine walks. Curtis did punch out eight hitters in that time, but control has been a considerable problem for him throughout his Major League tenure. In 38 career innings, he’s issued 34 free passes, hit another six batters and thrown four wild pitches (two in that tiny sample with the Rangers). That said, it’s a small sample of big league innings, and Curtis has thrown quite well in the upper minors, where he’s averaged better than 10 strikeouts per nine innings with much better control in both Double-A and Triple-A.

For the 35-year-old Dillard, today’s announcement marks the end of an era. A former 34th-round draft pick back in 2002, Dillard has spent his entire career in the Brewers system and reached the Majors on four separate occasions. Though he enjoyed solid numbers in 2011-12 (65 2/3 innings, 7.7 K/9, 2.5 BB/9, 4.25 ERA, 3.51 FIP), he hasn’t been back to the Majors since. That hasn’t stopped Dillard from developing a cult following through his social media antics, his guest writing here on MLBTR and his impressive bilingual lip-syncing abilities.

A veteran of 12 seasons at the Triple-A level, Dillard will join the Rangers in hopes of returning to the Majors after an absence of more than a half decade. His numbers took a turn for the worse after the Brewers’ Triple-A club moved from Nashville to Colorado Springs, but he’ll be back in Nashville once again if he opens the season in Triple-A, following some offseason realignment of Triple-A franchises.

As for d’Arnaud, he’ll turn 32 in January and vie for a utility role in spring — not dissimilar from the one he had with the Giants in 2018. Last season in San Francisco, d’Arnaud hit .215/.253/.366 with three homers in an even 100 trips to the plate. He’s spent parts of seven seasons in the Majors and is a career .222/.273/.316 hitter in 599 plate appearances. The former fourth-round pick has played every position on the diamond except catcher and will give the organization some infield depth — an area of perhaps increased importance as the Rangers near a deal to allow recent waiver claim Carlos Asuaje to play in Korea.

10:05am  Anyway, if you’re still here, please lower your expectations a bit.  Like I mentioned earlier my name is Tim Dillard.  I’ve been pitching in professional baseball for 16 years.  To answer the question you’re currently thinking:  the hardest pitch I ever threw was 97 miles per hour.  And to answer your next question:  yes, Chase Utley DID almost hit it through the right-centerfield wall. (no more questions)

10:07am  My first season was back in 2003, and I used phone cards to call my parents.  Nowadays I have my own phone, and a website, a podcast, a twitter, and occasionally write for MLB Trade Rumors… when I’m super desperate for cash.  Which happens quite often since I’ve played 93.75% of my professional baseball career in the Minor Leagues.  This percentage could be wrong however, it’s been a while since I was graded in the math department.  (It was a C in college algebra BTW… but I’m not here to brag)

10:11am  Actually, the only reason I decided to write anything today was because the Winter Meetings have been plastered all over MLB Network this week, and it made me think about the time I snuck into the 2015 Winter Meetings in Nashville.

10:12m  I always wondered what went on at MLB’s Winter Meetings, but never had much desire to attend.  It appeared to be more for sports agents, sports writers, and General Managers… and the only players I ever heard about attending were the guys signing million dollar deals or the guys meeting up with their agent person for a free dinner.

10:14am  But during the 2015 off-season I found myself right in the middle of the event.  I was once again a Minor League free agent… which is just a fancy word for unemployed.  And if you’re still looking for a job when mid-December rolls around… trepidation creeps in.  (fancy word for panic)  Every year it gets more and more difficult for older Four-A guys like myself to find places to play.  (Four-A is the term for the group of crusty ball players caught in the web between Triple-A and The Show)

10:17am  So by the time the December Meetings rolled around, I had already called, texted, emailed, twittered, Facebook stalked, smoke signaled, and Game of Thrones raven messaged literally everyone I knew looking for a Minor League spring training invite.

10:21am  I contacted (including… but not limited to) General Managers, assistant GM’s, managers, coaches, coordinators, scouts, farm directors, field coordinators, clubhouse personnel, statisticians, bat boys, and at least 2 mascots.  Unfortunately, I received nothing but crickets.

10:23am  Around the moment I was filling out my Rodan+Fields application so I could sell stuff to my friends… my parents called me.  My dad, former Major League infielder, former Minor League coach, and STILL current role model, told me to try one more thing… a last attempt.  He spoke of a tradition.  A tradition that has seemingly faded away in the age of technology.  The dying art of a handshake at the MLB Winter Meetings.

10:28am  As the story goes, the Winter Meetings was once a place where players could see organizational decision-makers face to face, and ask for a job.  A situation where people who love the game too much to give it up, could “randomly” bump into baseball executives.  So that’s what I did.  Uninvited and determined, I walked into Major League Baseball’s 2015 Winter Meetings with coffee… and a handful of homemade business cards that read: “Tim Dillard RHP” (right-handed pitcher)

10:34am  The massive indoor resort was filled with people from every realm of the baseball universe.  A circus complete with press conferences, interviews, speeches, tv shows, and award ceremonies.  All of which could be accessed with proper credentials… I had no such credentials, so I just walked around.

10:36am  After parading for an hour, I decided to stand at a strategically positioned walkway.  (between the Media Area, hotel rooms, and Starbucks of course)  And so for the next 6 hours I shook many new hands, hugged many old friends, and handed out many RHP cards.  The first person I saw was my former teammate Gabe Kapler!  At the time he was with the Dodgers, but now he’s the Phillies manager.  He asked me what I’ve been doing after all these years, and I told him I was still pitching.  “Still?” he said.  Right after him I saw my former manager Ned Yost!  He was fresh off a World Series Title with the Royals and thought it would be the perfect time to ask him for a job.  After a big hug he said, “Sorry Timmy, I don’t handle the hiring of Minor League coaches.”

10:41am  The next day I stood in the same spot for 7 hours.  By this time people thought I worked there, and began asking me for directions.  I also successfully gave my information to the Cincinnati Reds’ stadium announcer… I thought he was a coach.  Minutes later I saw Astros and D’Backs legend Luis Gonzalez!  I reminded him that my dad coached him years ago, and that I used to shine his shoes!  He was very cool and friendly until I divulged how I once saw him and tried to get his attention by yelling across the parking lot of a Phoenix area pizzeria in 2007.  Suddenly he was late for a meeting.

10:47am  Day three was more of the same.  “Take the left hallway at the top of the escalator, and Starbucks will be on your right.”  But after noticing there wasn’t many baseball people walking around, I left my post and went searching.  I caught wind of some Farm Directors talking with Minor League stadium GM’s over at the MLB Trade Show… unfortunately an Access Pass and name tag was needed to get in.  So I went and stole one.

10:49am  Once inside the Trade Show, I marveled at all of its wonders.  Booths and stands of Louisville Slugger bats, Wilson gloves, Franklin batting gloves, a Racing Sausage, Majestic shirts, bobbleheads, New Era hats, Cheeto-infused popcorn, and a speed pitch booth!

10:50am  I couldn’t find anybody wearing a MLB team polo, so I strolled over to the speed pitch area. The nice people there told me that if I can throw one of the three balls 88 miles per hour into the net, I’d win a signed Nolan Ryan baseball!  “Give me the ball.” I smirked.  These dudes had no idea that I was a professional pitcher, but I knew I was about to go home with a Nolan Ryan ball!  After I wiped orange popcorn off my fingers I let it rip.  First throw… 74 mph.  I was just warming up.  Next throw… 81 mph.  “Oh crap!” I thought.  The final pitch I threw with everything I had… 84 mph.  (I never wanted a DeLorean so bad in my life)

10:54am  Discouraged by my throwing performance and the 20 hours I had spent standing over the last 3 days… it was time for me to go home.  Arguably the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my 13 seasons up to that point.  Even more difficult than the time I tried to make pitches on a mound in Mexico while toeing a buried cinder block.

10:56am  THEN!  Just minutes after the MLB Rule 5 Draft had concluded and my feet heading toward the exit, I heard my name!  Milwaukee Brewers Farm Director Tom Flanagan was flagging me down, and telling me the Rule 5 Draft had possibly opened up an opportunity for me!  We shook hands…  a week later I was a Brewer.

10:58am  Currently I’m a free agent once again (for the 10th time) and would have loved to revisit the Winter Meetings, but wasn’t able to make it over to Las Vegas.  Instead I’ve been intensely watching the TV to see which team is the most desperate for pitching.

11:00am  Oh man gotta go!  The Rule 5 Draft is coming on… never know!

To Be Concluded…

7:05am  Like I said my name is Tim Dillard, a (off and on) player in the Milwaukee Brewers Organization for the last sixteen seasons, and sometimes I write things like this for MLB Trade Rumors.  In fact, MLBTR did a nationwide talent search for veteran Minor League side-arm pitchers who sport great beards, struggle with grammer, and have a knack for avoiding the Big Leagues… and I was crowned the winner!  So here we are.

7:07am  The Major Leaguers Spring Training Camp has apparently ended with Thursday’s Opening Day… which explains the unusually short lines at the Louis Vuitton Backpack store.   And also means that Minor League team rosters will be revealed soon!

7:08am  Oddly enough, my previous fifteen seasons in professional baseball have actually NOT prepared me for that giant life-altering moment when informed if I made a team or not.  It can be a very stressful time of year for Minor Leaguers like myself.  Players in the farm system are anticipating their April fate… all the while juggling potential flights, apartment leases, equipment shipping, roommates, and which direction to point their car.

7:11am  Talking about roster cuts with a couple of guys last night, we agreed the hardest part of spring training is probably: looking back at all the months of hard offseason work, and all the long spring days that were put in… and having that mean basically nothing in the end.

7:14am  It’s difficult to get and keep a job in baseball.  For me, I try not to focus on the things I can’t control.  Instead, I focus solely on being the best well-rounded pitcher I can be, and doing whatever I can to impress the coaching staff and the decision makers… but also setting aside time every day to guilt trip them with pictures of my three kids.

7:22am  As I was just putting my clothes in the dryer, it occurs to me that most of my baseball season wardrobe is actually older than my kids.  I have two pearl button-up shirts I bought my first season in 2003, three pairs of Brewers issued Russell Athletic mesh shorts from 2004-2006, a discount G by Guess zip hoodie I got in 2008 spring training, a Hot Topic Star Wars t-shirt from 2009, a Buckle sweatshirt from 2010, and a short-sleeve collared shirt LaTroy Hawkins gave me in 2011. (thank God for my wonderful wife… who finally convinced me to to get rid of my seven Affliction shirts two seasons ago)

7:27am  Anyway, perhaps this means I struggle with change or maybe have a hard time letting go of things. (I wasn’t a psych major in college… but I did ace Baseball Theory)

7:28am  Obviously one of the hot topics this spring has been the new rule changes.  Of course the Minor Leagues still has the ever important “shot clock” for pitchers, but now there’s a limit to mound visits.  However, the biggest change this season is with extra innings.  Starting in the tenth inning of every Minor League game, the visiting team will began with a runner on second base.  This was put in place in an attempt to prevent super long games.  And even though this is a seemingly huge change to the entity of baseball, it actually doesn’t bother me that much… as long as all the players get Goldfish crackers and Caprisuns after the game.

7:38am  Oh yeah I almost forgot, the other day I saw my former catcher from 2006 J.C. Boscan who’s now a coordinator for the Kansas City Royals.  He said he enjoys reading my Inner Monologues, and asked me why he hasn’t been mentioned in any of them.  So this is me mentioning him.  J.C. also wanted me to mention the RBI double he hit off me in 2015… but I told him there’s no chance I’d share that!

7:43am  You know that’s probably the thing I look forward to the most every spring is catching up with old friends, former teammates, and coaches.  And just the people around the game that spring training brings together.  Like a few weeks ago when I met Ron Shelton the writer and director of Bull Durham!  The classic baseball movie that younger teammates quote to me constantly… “You’ve been in the Majors?”.

7:48am  Or this past week when I also met for the first time (and got three bro-hugs from) 5X All-Star and 2015 World Series MVP Salvador Pérez!  Pérez told me he follows me on Instagram and wanted my autograph!  Actually that’s not true.  Salvy didn’t want my autograph.  But yeah that’s right… I call him Salvy now.

7:54am  Minor League spring trainings are memorable.  And I’m thankful to have yet another one, but I assure you, every player is ready to trade in the morning practices and lunchtime games, for a chance to sleep in and battle opponents under some lights!

7:58am  Spring training is like watching one of Michael Bay’s Transformers movies… it looks cool and starts out exciting, but toward the end your clawing your eyes out.

8:01am  That buzz means my old weathered clothes… are ready for another season.

To Be Concluded…

4:18pm:  After the Triple-A season was over last year, the Milwaukee Brewers signed me back, and extended me a BIG invitation… to Minor League spring training camp.  They offered free coffee at all of their Minor League affiliates, so it was a no brainer.

4:20pm: Two weeks ago I loaded my spikes, gloves, cup, and other equipment into my 2005 Mercury Mariner (Mercury was a car company that used to exist) and drove 1,600 miles from Nashville to Phoenix.  Leaving behind my wife, my three kids, my friends, my dog, my house, my bed… actually it wasn’t that hard leaving the dog behind.  That’s not mean to say.  She’s like 84 in dog years, and probably doesn’t even know I left.  And just like everybody else… there’s a good chance she’ll never read this anyway.

4:23pm: During last year’s drive to spring training, I visited the vast and awe inspiring Grand Canyon for the first time!  Truly amazing!  So to try and top that marvelous experience, I stopped this year and visited the one and only Meteor Crater just outside of Winslow, Arizona!!  It was ok I guess… seemed a bit small.

4:27pm: The maintenance man is still working hard.  And I really need to get in the room to charge my computer, but honestly if my computer dies and I can’t finish this… it’s probably best for everyone.

4:28pm: Anyway, when the 27-hour cross-country meteor adventure ended, I once again found myself in the spring training atmosphere.  You know, spring training is hard for a baseball player.  It’s long hours, very difficult, very tiring, and very demanding… but good thing for me I’m a pitcher!  And today, pitchers were done before lunch, so after a few awkward minutes on the treadmill, I skedaddled over to Taco Bell!  (If the $1 Beefy Fritos Burrito doesn’t sum up the Minor League lifestyle…. nothing does.)

4:33pm: Pitchers however, do have in-depth conversations about the pitching craft — like the other day during stretch when we were talking about pick-off moves to first base.  I, without being asked, decided to just start dropping all sorts of knowledge on the subject.  But after several minutes of talking, one of the young guys asked me just how many pick-offs I had in my career.  I pretended to think for a moment (like I don’t know ALL my stats off hand), then answered: “Well, in my career I’ve thrown over 1,200 innings… and um… yeah I’ve never actually picked anyone off before.”  They all looked a bit surprised.  Then shaking his head, the young buck said: “Are you for real?  You’ve thrown over 1,200 innings?  Wow, how old are you?”

4:39pm: So yeah, so far it’s been a typical spring training for me.

4:39pm: Earlier today, a group of pitchers were in the clubhouse talking about the upcoming season.  They were picking brains, listing philosophies, and asking each other all sorts of questions.  I kind of walked into the discussion right after I completed a heavy total body lift.  (And by heavy total body lift I mean… filming a dumb video for my social media.  In my defense, I did film it in the weight room!)  But not really knowing the topic, and not really hearing the question, I was asked something by one of the guys.  I could’ve said nothing or asked them to repeat the question.  But instead I just made up an answer.  With four sets of eyes on me, and ears waiting to listen, I dug deep.  Looked straight at them and said: “W.W.N.R.D.”

4:44pm: “Huh?”

4:44pm: “W.W.N.R.D.?  What’s that mean?”  Making sure I had all my letters correct I said with utmost confidence: “W.W.N.R.D…. What. Would. Nolan. Ryan. Do.”

4:45pm: Not entirely sure if what had just came out of my mouth made sense or not… I just went ahead and treated it as a mic drop moment, and sauntered out the door back toward the weight room.  (I had forgotten my camera stand in there.)

4:48pm: When I walked back into the weight room, I noticed a Yankees game was on TV and CC Sabathia was pitching.  With name-dropping in mind, I quickly jumped on a treadmill and started talking to the guy jogging next to me.  “Yeah.  I was teammates with CC Sabathia with the Brewers way back in 2008 you know.  In fact, about a month ago I actually FaceTimed with CC on Bill Hall’s iPhone for like 7 minutes!”

4:52pm: It was only then I noticed the rookie Dominican pitcher take out his tiny headphones, look at me and say: “Hola Dealer!”

…

9:02pm: Alright I’m back.  Here’s the update.  My computer gave up and ran out of juice earlier.  I was finally able to get into the hotel room.  Apparently my room or the room above had a plumbing problem.  The maintenance man was very nice, but I could’ve done without that empty Taco Bell bags comment.

9:04pm: It’s getting late… time for Advil.  W.W.N.R.D.

To Be Concluded…

8:15am  If this is your first time reading my Inner Monologue, I’d just like to say… shame on you!  And… no excuse!  But also kindly remind you that I’ve written ten others you should totally check out.  MLB Trade Rumors was so desperate, that when I begged for them to post my articles they said NO.  But later said YES!  So did you hear that kids, persistance percistence pursistance presistence percystence PERSISTENCE pays off!

8:18am  Currently I’m trying to come up with something interesting and baseball related to type about… but for now I’ll just enjoy coffee out of my Princess Leia mug.  It has two handles that act as her famous hair buns.  Definitely as cool and nerdy as it sounds, and is probably my favorite mug in recent memory.

8:19am  When I was FIVE years old I had an awesome Budweiser Clydesdales mug.  I guess that could sound bad… but it was a promotional giveaway from the South Bend White Sox baseball team in way back in 1988.  We were living in South Bend, Indiana and my fasha Steve Dillard was the team’s manager.  I loved that mug, but almost every day that summer, a certain outfielder would take that horse mug right out my tiny locker.  He’d stuff a paper towel down in it, and then use it to spit tobacco.  Usually I found it nasty and abandoned in the training room.  So I’d grab the mug and immediately go scrub and rinse the thing until it was once again spotless.  But by the end of the season, due to my lack of proper dish care techniques, I had inadvertently scrubbed those majestic beasts right off the side of the mug! (a tear just hit my keyboard)

8:26am  You know, forgiveness is a very important lesson to learn in life… and one day, I plan on forgiving that man.

8:27am  Spending most of my childhood at Minor League baseball stadiums, is probably the reason I enjoy giveaways so much.  For eleven years I ate my cereal out of a 1990 Tucson Toros helmet bowl!  (to this day, the logo is still intact, because it’s gently hand washed after every feeding)

8:29am  You know those softy balls that are thrown into the stands during baseball games?  Well in 1993, at age ten, I thought up, planned, and executed the theft of nine, that’s right, NINE Kane County Cougars promo balls. (not my proudest moment)  During the getaway, I also fell and scraped the back of my hand.  I still carry the scar.  And now, the back of my hand is a reminder, that if you steal… you will fall down and scrape your hand.

8:33am  To protect my eyes in years 2010 to 2015, I wore giveaway sunglasses from the Nashville Sounds’ Roy Orbison Night!  My first two pairs were broken when accidentally sat on.  Hard to believe, but my last pair of the free Orbison specs were actually stolen… by the Pacific Ocean. (I hope the Pacific Ocean fell down and scraped its hand)

8:36am  Rally towel giveaways, bobblehead giveaways, tee-shirt giveaways, hat giveaways, football giveaways, and then there’s firework nights, superhero nights, Disney Nights, and don’t even get me started on Star Wars nights!

8:38am  In 2016, I was part of a Harry Potter Night at the ballpark.  Dozens of people were dressed in very authentic costumes from the movie saga.  They would act out scenes on the field in-between innings and also helped with the Culver’s Build-A-Burger Race.  I’m usually way away from the action down in the bullpen, but I ran to the dugout when Harry Potter himself was casting spells next to it.  Our first baseman leaned over the railing and asked if they were part of some sort of Fan Club.  Harry stopped, turned, and said, “What?  Most certainly not!  We are students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!”

8:44am  We all kind of laughed, then we asked Harry, “So then you’re like, part of a costumed acting class or something?”  Once again not breaking character, and waving his wand he said, “No!  These are our house robes you MUGGLE!”  

8:46am  And that was the game… where I apparently met the REAL Harry Potter.

8:47am  But the greatest giveaway theme night in the history of the world was in 1994.  My dad was the manager of the Quad City River Bandits in Davenport, Iowa.  And I was an eleven year-old thief with a sweet tooth.  And then it happened.  Like, something out of a dream… TWINKIE NIGHT!!  Literally all-you-can-eat Twinkies!  I remember pallets and pallets of Twinkies piled high at every entrance to the stadium!  I ate a dozen before First Pitch, or as I like to call it, before “Mom Shows Up”.  But as my Twinkie count went up, my excitement level went down.  And by the 7th Inning Stretch I was sick.  Realizing I couldn’t eat any more, I had to concoct a plan to maximize this special night.

8:55am  Instead of trying to put a bunch of Twinkies in a bag to carry home, and risk being apprehended and regulated by my parents, I began hiding them!  For the last two innings of the game it was like reverse Easter!  Not entirely sure where the phrase nook and cranny came from… but it applies!  In the clubhouse above lockers and in the inside of cleats!  I hid Twinkies on the concourse behind popcorn machines and under condiment stations!  Needless to say, I secretly ate a Twinkie every day for the remainder of that season, but I knew some were left behind.

8:59am  Ten years later, I was pitching for the Beloit Snappers, and traveled to Davenport to play the Quad City team.  Besides baseball, my only goal on my way to the field that day was finding at least ONE of those hidden Twinkies!  When we arrived I learned the stadium had been heavily renovated six months earlier, but I was still determined.  And immediately went hunting for two hours.  The next day I spent a few more hours looking before batting practice.  The last day I was underneath the bleachers on top of a storage room, when a stadium worker walked up and asked what I was doing.  I couldn’t think up a lie fast enough, so I said, “I’m looking for a Twinkie I may have left up here ten years ago.”  …he laughed.

To Be Concluded…

7:23am  And in case you haven’t heard, and judging by the lack of views and comments you haven’t… this is my TENTH time writing my Inner Monologue!  I’m typing this particular morning because after several weeks of winter break, my children are finally going back to school! (THANK GOD!)  Except for my two year-old.  He’ll wake up in exactly 35 minutes… his unfathomable internal clock is exceeded only by his ability to Spider-Man up the side of his crib.

7:25am  The offseason winter break is almost over as well, and then it’s spring training.  Currently I’m signed with the Milwaukee Brewers for my 16th season.  And every week the entire winter, a member of the training staff will text me to see how my workouts are progressing.  Which is great, because when I first started playing professional baseball I didn’t have a cellular phone… so they would have to call me up on my parent’s cordful house phone.  One time my dad woke me up after lunch to tell me that my trainer was on hold.  Things have changed, because yesterday, when asked about workouts, I messaged back that I was wrestling with my kids.

7:29am  But much like other veteran ballplayers after being gone for seven months, the offseason is all about family.  And really just getting back to the simple things in life like eating dinners together, vacations, Little League games, birthday parties, visiting friends, school programs, soccer matches, Lego building, Googling third grade math questions, gymnastics class, basketball, performing on stage at Premios Univision Deportes… you know, the normal stuff.

7:32am  My typical offseason day consists of:  Wake up, bake the Eggo’s, pack the school lunches, drink the coffee, drink more of the coffee, and then work out or find some house work to do unil the bus drops the kids off.  In fact, the day I got home from the regular season last year… I walked in and changed nine lightbulbs.  To me, that perfectly sums up the offseason lifestyle.

7:34am  Who am I kidding?  The first thing I do when I wake up is check Twitter… and yes I do hate myself for it.  But after that, I do some of that other stuff I listed.  Last week I woke up to a tweet from Major League Baseball that featured a video of a player exercising, and they hash-tagged it #NoOffseason.  Actually, they tweet the #NoOffseason hashtag quite a bit… during the offseason.

7:38am  Hold on… the newest kid may have awoken?

7:41am  Never mind.  That was an Amazon delivery person. (paper towels)  You ever find yourself just buying crap in hopes that one day you’ll get an Amazon drone visit?!?  Yeah me neither.

7:42am  As of now the child is still asleep, but I must stay on alert.  Because last week he snuck out of bed, silently scaled the cabinets, and snagged some old baseball cards off a book shelf.  And rather than recognize my child’s immediate danger or applaud his impeccable balance… I got caught up reading the backs of the baseball cards just like I did growing up!

7:44am  I would like to say, that before Al Gore’s internet, the back of a baseball card was the BEST way to find fun facts and hobbies of my favorite players.

7:45am  Like… according to one of my cards of Ricky Henderson, he enjoys swimming and fishing.  A 1991 Score card states that Ken Griffey Jr. played 3 years of football, and 4 years of baseball in high school.  This Robin Yount card tells me that he wants to be a pro golfer and race motorcycles one day.  A 1987 Barry Bonds card says he majored in Criminal Justice at Arizona State.  Who knew?!  And also in 1987, Topps informs us that pitcher Sid Fernandez wears uniform #50 for two reasons.  One, his native home of Hawaii is the 50th U.S. state, and second, his favorite tv show is Hawaii Five-O.

7:51am  Next offseason… I want the, “Writing Cool Facts on the Back of Baseball Cards” job!  (I bet that could also get me a lifetime supply of that pink rectangle gum included in old baseball card packs that disintegrated immediately after touching saliva)

7:52am  In all seriousness though, most Minor Leaguers get jobs in the offseason.  The BIG bucks are in the BIG leagues, and that only leaves the small bucks for the minor leagues.  A few years ago I played winter ball down in Venezuela.  One year I worked at a leather factory where I would measure, fold, and ship giant cowhides. (I also operated a forklift without a license)  Another offseason I worked landscaping after I got turned down at the local sporting goods store for lack of experience.

7:55am  One of the highlights of spring training is hearing about where teammates worked during the offseason.  Over my career I’ve heard:  hitting lessons, pitching lessons, baseball camps, bartender, waiter, barber, UPS driver, golf course attendant, Lowe’s clerk, roof shingler, Office Max clerk, landscape “engineer”, Lululemon sales associate, and one very special shortstop who was once in charge of putting stickers on fruit.

7:58am  But right now it’s January, and every non-MLB-contract ballplayer is slightly paranoid about being ready to compete for a job in the coming spring training.

7:59am  And speaking of paranoia… I think I hear “Eggo.” echoing down the hallway.

To Be Concluded…

• Righty Tim Dillard will be back where he belongs in 2018, as he’ll remain in the Brewers organization after agreeing to a minor-league pact. The 34-year-old, who was a contributor to MLBTR during the 2017 campaign, tweets that he has agreed to return for his 16th campaign with the club. Dillard has not pitched at the major league level since 2012, but has carved out a niche at Triple-A. Those unfamiliar with Dillard will want to follow the above links to learn more about one of the game’s most uniquely situated players.
• Veteran middle infielder Ramon Santiago is officially retiring, as Danny Knobler reports. Now 38 years of age, the 13-year MLB veteran last suited up at the game’s highest level back in 2014 and had not played affiliated ball in the last two season. Santiago appeared in 920 total MLB contests — most of them with the Tigers — and posted a cumulative .243/.314/.330 batting line. There’s more information on Santiago’s career available at the above link. He’s presently focused on being with his family, it seems, but also hopes to get back in the game as a coach at some point.

12:37pm  Currently I have a window seat on a United flight from Denver to Memphis because, well, as you may already know… we made the PLAYOFFS!  That is right… for the first time in twenty years the Triple-A Colorado Springs Sky Sox Baseball Team has made it to the postseason!  The last time this happened, the team roster was filled with a bunch of players nobody’s ever heard of… like Craig Counsell and Todd Helton.

12:39pm  Can’t believe how packed this plane is right now.  I wonder if all these people are flying to Tennessee just for our playoff game tomorrow!  Pretty sure the guy sitting next to me is trying to read what I’m typing… and he may have stolen my peanuts. (I saw him eat two packs.)

12:40pm  You know, it’s hard to make the postseason.  Some players go their entire careers without making playoffs.  In the Triple-A Pacific Coast League, there are four divisions of four teams… and only the top four actually make the postseason.  So yep, it’s a big deal.

12:41pm  This will be the seventh time in my pro career to be part of a playoff team.  Six in America, and one in Venezuela. (¡Te amo y te extraño Águilas del Zulia!)

12:41pm  In 2003, my rookie ball team in Helena, Montana went to playoffs.  We didn’t win it all… and honestly that’s about all I can remember.  It feels like such a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…

12:43pm  In 2006, the Double-A Huntsville Stars made playoffs and almost won the championship!  It was an interesting year too because we were statistically the worst team in all of baseball the first half of the season.  Then we added a pitcher (Yovani Gallardo) and a third baseman (Ryan Braun)… and just like that, we became the best team in all of baseball the second half!

12:47pm  In 2007, the Triple-A Nashville Sounds made the playoffs but lost in the first round.  After we clinched and were spraying discount champagne in each others’ eyes… the Major League club called up half the team.  We lost the team camaraderie voodoo, and were easily defeated by the New Orleans Zephyrs. (Insert loud weeping emoji)

12:50pm  In 2008, the Milwaukee Brewers made an amazing run to clinch the National League Wild Card!  I wasn’t added to the playoff roster, but I WAS however nervously eating clubhouse cheesesteaks every inning in Philadelphia!  (We didn’t win… but I did gain seven pounds.)

12:54pm  In 2011, the Brewers again made the playoffs and almost went to the World Series!  And again, I wasn’t added to the playoff roster.  But this time I got to carry the candy bag, sit in the bullpen, and wave my proverbial pom-poms!

12:56pm  Ok, I gotta know… here’s a test sentence for the guy next to me.  Excuse me airplane passenger sitting in 32B, are you by chance reading what I’m typing?

12:57pm  Haha!  He laughed… caughtcha!

1:11pm  Alright, so mister 32B’s real name is Anthony!  Good dude.

1:12pm  He asked me how my season went… I told him I was a relief pitcher, but got to be the backup catcher last month during a game in Salt Lake City!  The team had a need, so I dressed in full catcher’s gear, and warmed-up and caught four teammates in the bullpen!  I even got to warm one up on the field in between innings!

1:14pm  I also told my new travel companion about the different game delays I witnessed at the ball field this season.  There’s your basic rain, wind, lightning, dust, and hail delays.  But then there’s also the more interesting delays:  There was the fog delay.  And the too many bugs in the lights delay.  And of course the… two snakes trying to eat each other in left field delay.

1:117pm  But truthfully it’s difficult for a player to judge how his season went.  Probably because we’re biased, and want validation that all the good outweighed all the bad.  That all the sacrifices may have accomplished something.  Like all the workouts.  Spring training.  Plane trips.  Bus trips.  Being away from family.  Away from friends.  The aches.  The pains. (Special shout out to my boy ibuprofen… love you big guy!)

1:21pm  However baseball is all about statistics.  It measures everything.  From route efficiency and WAR.  To sabermetrical something something and WHIP.  Let’s not forget OBP, OFA, OPS, and OPP yeah you know me.  Anyway, you get it, “Stats on Stats on Stats.”

1:22pm  Which is all fine.  Statistics are necessary, but sometimes stats just don’t tell the whole story of a player’s season.

1:22pm  For instance, the way baseball measures, oh I don’t know, let’s say… the relief pitcher.  E.R.A. or Earned Run Average is a solid way to calculate a starting pitchers effectiveness, but can actually be a disadvantage for a reliever at times.

1:24pm  So that’s why back in 2012 I invented PONAR!  I’m certain some of you have already heard of this “LEGIT” bullpen statistic, so you can stop reading.  But for the rest of you… P.O.N.A.R means:  Percentage of Outings Not Allowing a Run (my first adaptation was P.O.O.N.A.R… but I didn’t think anyone would take that seriously, so I dropped the “Of” part)

1:27pm  But yeah… PONAR!  Pretty deep huh?

1:28pm  Essentially, what my imaginary stat measures, is:  how many times a relief pitcher comes into a game and has a scoreless appearance.  So if a pitcher’s PONAR is 90%, it means 9 out of 10 times he doesn’t give up a run.  It’s better than earned run average (E.R.A.) because if a reliever is lights-out 9 out of 10 times, but the 10th time gives up 7 runs… he’s still a fantastic pitcher!… even though he has 6.30 E.R.A.

1:33pm  As opposed to a relief pitcher giving up 1 run in 7 of 10 appearances.  His E.R.A. would be the same at 6.30… but his PONAR would be a dismal 30%.

1:34pm  Make sense?  (Insert confused emoji)

1:34pm  Oh well… anyone out there have the phone number for ESPN’s super-analyst Tim Kurkjian!?  I need to text him something.  He may be the man who can help get my PONAR off the ground!

1:35pm  Speaking of ground, I need to make sure my seat back and tray table are in their full upright and locked position.

To Be Concluded…

8:05am  Basically what I do is just write down my thoughts while logging the exact time.  Not sure what typing in the time, and putting it in bold accomplishes.  But I guess after the first time I did it, and nobody told me (to my face) that it was stupid… I just kept doing it.

8:07am  Right now our team is in Des Moines, Iowa.  Last night’s game against the Triple-A Cubs was postponed due to freezing temperatures, ice rain, hurricane-type wind, and lack of fans.  Today we’re supposed to have a day game, but could possibly turn into a night game depending on weather.

8:08am  Currently, I’m at the hotel trying to see how much I can type before my road-roomy vacates the bathroom.

8:09am  When I was grabbing coffee earlier in the lobby, a gentleman asked the front desk lady if he could order room service. (We stay at some nice hotels in the minor leagues, but I can promise you… none of them have room service.)

8:11am  Front desk lady was very polite when she told him they didn’t offer room service.  Then the man said, “Well, I guess it is what it is.”

8:12am  It is what it is?  You ever hear people say that?  First time I heard that expression was in 2007, and I’m still confused.  It’s like saying, “Well, you know oxygen is oxygen.” OR “You win some, you lose some.” OR “How’s a rainbow made?” OR “I’m calmly showing my maturity by hiding my frustration and disappointment behind a fancy philosophical-sounding statement that doesn’t change my current circumstances.”

8:13am  Well you know, baseball has a lot of interesting expressions too.  Especially in the minor leagues.  Such as:

“Wear it!”

“Skillets!”

“Clean it up!”

“Friends dues!”

“Save it meat!”

“Figure it out!”

“Have some feel!”

“There’s a window!”

“Hard in, soft away.”

“That GUY ’s in the SHOW!!??”

“Don’t like it?  Play better!” (or play worse)

8:16am  Anyway, I want to coin a NEW phrase in professional baseball.  And for some reason I thought now is the perfect time to divulge this special saying to the entire world! (Or at least the few people who read this… thanks for reading mom!)  And here it is:  “Do Less.” 

8:16am  Yep, that’s it, that’s the big one. “Do Less.”

8:17am  See, baseball is hard.  But sometimes it can appear simple when watching it on TV or from the bleachers.  For instance, the guy in the picnic area the other day who screamed, “Come on man!  Watcha thinkin’ gettin’ picked off!  I wouldn’t have gotten picked off!  Put ME in, coach!”

8:18am  In this particular case, the man had probably been drinking and was borderline unsober.  And still has every right to yell his opinion, but I reiterate… baseball is hard.

8:18am  Well during the game, in those most intense moments, players can sometimes feel the urge to dig deep or do more.  Like when a hitter wants to swing EXTRA hard or run EXTRA fast.  Or like a pitcher who wants to throw EXTRA hard or make a pitch EXTRA nasty.  But usually the opposite happens.  More often than not, the hitter misses, or breaks his bat, or pulls a hamstring.  And the pitcher, he usually throws a wild pitch or hangs a fun ball right down broadway.

8:19am  Do Less… just watch, it’ll be a thing.

8:20am  However, the most important thing about baseball sayings is knowing which one to use, and knowing when to use it.  I learned this lesson May 23, 2008.

8:20am  I was in Washington D.C., warming up in the visitors left-field bullpen, when the door opened.  Suddenly it dawned on me that just beyond the Nationals’ outfield grass and infield dirt, was my Major League Baseball debut!

8:21am  All I was thinking as I jogged out to the mound in front of 40,000 people, was… “Left.  Right.  Left.  Right.  Left.  Right.”

8:21am  Thankfully, without tripping, I managed to make it to the mound where veteran catcher Jason Kendall was waiting for me.  When he started double-checking my pitches and my signs, I was thinking about how many baseball cards I had of him growing up.

8:22am  Then he pulled his mask back down, turned to run back to the plate, and quickly said, “Here we go.”

8:23am  And for some unknown reason, I felt the need to say something back to him.  So out of all the words and phrases I know, my brain thought it’d be a good idea to intensely scream, “OK!  LET’S DO THIS!” (and yelled it like I was wearing giant headphones)

8:23am  It was enough for Jason Kendall to kinda stop, look back with a puzzled face, then continue his jog back behind the dish.

8:24am  All alone, standing there, on that mound, I spoke out loud, “Did I just tell… Jason Kendall… let’s do this!?”

8:25am  I felt very uncool in that moment.  Why would I say something so cheesy?  Why am I so awkward!

8:25am  And I’m pretty sure he told the home plate umpire what I said too, ’cause the whole time I was throwing my first major league warm-up pitches, the umpire was chatting with Jason Kendall then pointing at me and laughing.

8:27am  I still don’t know how it all happened, but… I guess it is what it is.

8:27am  Ah!  Think I just heard a toilet flush.

To Be Concluded…

11:34am  I’m currently at the ballpark in Triple-A Colorado Springs, and have relief pitcher stretch at 1:00pm.  But until then, I’ve decided to jot down some thoughts.

11:36am  The multiple clubhouse TVs are showing baseball games while the clubhouse speakers are pumping out rapper 50 Cent’s music playlist.  In fact, he just told Shawty that it’s his birthday.  Congrats Shawty!

11:37am  One of the TVs has Tim Tebow coverage … looks like congratulations are in order again!  It appears Tebow hit a two-run home run the other day in his first-ever professional minor league at bat!  WOW!  Watching the replay of his post-game SportsCenter interview, reminds me of the two-run home run I hit last year in my first minor league at bat of the season.  Though … his post-game SportsCenter interview ran a bit longer than mine did.

11:43am  Okay, I was wrong — one TV has golf on it.  The Masters is on, I’m being told.  I’m also being told that I look like the homeless caddy from Happy Gilmore.  Must be this mesmerizing BEARD I’m parading around.

11:45am  Every year I’m impressed how versatile and knowledgable baseball players really are!  Right now golf advice is running rampant.  But next week, hockey sticks and body checking will start creeping into the locker room.  And after that usually comes overly-giant hats and jockey evaluating in honor of the Kentucky Derby.

11:52am  And whenever something is being thrown away in the clubhouse, you’ll always hear a “Jordan!” or “Kobe!” … or maybe it’s “Curry!” now.  Players talk basketball the entire baseball season … probably ’cause the NBA Playoffs last five months.

11:53am  But every four years, I daresay the FIFA World Cup takes over everything!  Complete with jerseys, reenactments, and multiple soccer balls!  And I bet there’s a spike in the sale of soccer cleats as well!

11:55am  FIFA is a big deal because a baseball clubhouse is home to so many backgrounds and nationalities.  It’s just a beautiful melting pot of pride and awesome!

11:57am  50 Cent is still at it … “I love you like a fat kid love cake.”  Probably my favorite 50 Cent lyric!

12:01pm  Remember a few years ago when 50 Cent threw out the ceremonial first-pitch at a Mets game?  And it was just the worst first pitch ever?  And everybody was making fun of him?  I didn’t … I’ve thrown pitches that bad before, and I’ve done it without being shot nine times.

12:04pm  The ceremonial first pitch in baseball dates back over a hundred years! (At least I think — Google if you care enough.)  What a special tradition, though!  I’ve witnessed hundreds over my career.  In fact, I was actually going to propose to my wife during a ceremonial first pitch!

12:10pm  I was pitching for the Class A+ Brevard County Manatees in 2005, and decided to propose at one of our games!  My plan was to get stadium management to trick my now-wife into throwing the first pitch, and I was going to disguise myself as the catcher.  So after catching her throw, I was going to run out to the mound to give the ball back.  But then drop to a knee, remove my catcher’s mask, and whip out the ring!

12:16pm  Now, I know what you’re thinking… “WHAT AN AWESOME IDEA!” right?  Well, about a week before the plan was to be executed, my now-wife and I see a sports proposal on TV.  Then she turns to me and nonchalantly says, “If you ever tried something like that, I’d say no.”

12:19pm  Okay so I’m not the brightest tool in the drawer, but kinda got the feeling an on-field proposal could be a bad idea.  “Now I know, and knowing is half the battle.” -G.I. Joe

12:23pm  But I have learned a lot over my many years in baseball.  Simple things.  For instance: don’t put a “BRU CRU” vanity plate on your car just because you’re in the Milwaukee Brewers organization.  And don’t get a tattoo of a flaming baseball on your arm, just in case you stop throwing hard one day. (I’ll admit I’ve done one of these.)

12:28pm  Being around baseball for a long time also has its perks.  Like: no matter what clubhouse I’m in … my phone already has the password, and automatically connects to the wi-fi.  And of course, infinite access to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

12:33pm  Thanks to a generous teammate sitting next to me, I can safely say that the local gas station’s Rice Krispy treats are on point!

12:34pm  Clubhouse manager is walking around delivering the daily packages.  I don’t get a lot of mail these days.  But all the young prospects get boxes everyday!  Stuff like spikes, batting gloves, shower shoes, portable chargers, Bruce Lee shirts, candy, disco ball, camo tights, Quench Gum, cribbage board, Aerobies.

12:36pm  Hey I actually did get mail!  Crap.  It’s from my bank.  Says my credit card was compromised again and sent me a new card. Looks like they got suspicious from purchases made last week in Arizona, Wisconsin, and Colorado… and one online order for exotic beard oil.

12:38pm  CRAP!  I need to hurry up.  Don’t want to be late for stretch!

12:38pm  Come to think of it, when I was a kid, my brothers and I weren’t allowed to use the word crap.  It was on the bad word list.  My mom would wash our mouths out with soap if we let the crap word fly.  I still have a hard time using Dial soap.

12:41pm  Ah yes, the clubhouse… so full of life and sound.  Like a cross between Chuck E. Cheese and a Play It Again Sports.

To Be Concluded…

8:37pm  First off, I’d just like to congratulate all MLB and MiLB players who made an Opening Day roster somewhere!  It’s a very special accomplishment, and shouldn’t be taken for granted.  And it also means that, after waking up at 5am in spring training for the last 6 weeks … you are now allowed to sleep till noon and go to bed at midnight!

8:41pm  Oh yeah, my name is Tim Dillard.  And this is the third time logging my Inner Monologue for MLB Trade Rumors.  (Part 1 and Part 2)  I’m currently watching Opening Day baseball in a hotel in Colorado Springs, Colorado.  And I am proud to be on a professional Minor League baseball roster for my 15th season!

8:43pm  Making an Opening Day roster anywhere is the equivalent to winning an award!  It’s like the end of Star Wars, where Han Solo and Luke Skywalker are awarded medals!  The few years I didn’t make an Opening Day roster, I felt a bit more like Chewbacca… who was there and did stuff, but didn’t get a medal. *insert pity party emoji

8:45pm  I should really stop using Star Wars analogies though.  Cause one time… I had a former friend tell me he didn’t like Star Wars.

8:48pm  Just heard a lady swearing out in the hallway!  Sounds like she’s upset that her key card doesn’t work.  That’s true.  That can be frustrating.  When you check into a hotel, go up the elevator, drag luggage down the hall, find your room, and the key doesn’t work!  #$%^>*&@!

8:50pm  Last week I was the odd man out, and played catch with a pitching coach.  He looked a little frustrated with me, as I “nonchalantly” tried to make EVERY throw extra hard and extra awesome!  I over-do-it throwing with members of the coaching staff for 2 reasons:  First, I’m always looking for an opportunity to try and impress the coaches… and I forgot the other reason.

8:55pm  The NyQuil may be preparing its magic, so I better type fast.

8:56pm  The other day I was fortunate enough to be in Milwaukee to help back up the Brewers for their Exhibition Games before Opening Day!  I didn’t get to pitch, but got to soak up several memorable moments!

8:59pm  One of the moments was just putting on a Big League Brewers uniform in that clubhouse!  Something I haven’t done since July 2012!  I began thinking of all the mounds I’ve pitched on, and all the places I’ve been between then and now.  Very special.

9:01pm  The other moment was something I had never experienced before!  After the last Exhibition Game concluded, there was NEARLY zero time to catch my return flight back to the Minor Leagues.  So let’s just say, that the person next to me on the 3 and a half hour plane flight could smell a combination of Dubble Bubble and Flexall.  Aaaaannd that’s the first time in my career I’ve played a baseball game in one state, and showered in another.

9:07pm  Speaking of interesting flights, this past December I was on a plane with PGA golfer Jordan Spieth!  Yeah I don’t watch golf, but somebody told me it was him.  And that he was famous!  So naturally I consulted google after we landed.  But it was interesting because, right after I googled him… I looked up, and saw Jordan Spieth looking at me and typing on his phone.  Kinda got the feeling he was googling ME.

9:13pm  Anyway sorry to name-drop.  Not sure why I shared that story.  I really don’t like name-dropping that much.  In fact, I was talking about that with Ryan Braun last week.

9:15pm  Also last week, I made some Latin music videos for Twitter and Instagram.  It was fun.  But the response I got was incredible!  Venezuela, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, Panama, even Telemundo in Milwaukee!  It’s like no one’s ever seen a gringo perfectly lip-syncing Spanish mega-ballads before!  But yes for the record… no habla español.

9:18pm  But I did buy Rosetta Stone before I flew to Mexico to play baseball in spring 2013!  Only to give up after it constantly taught me how to ask about the current state of the foresting industry in Chile.

9:24pm  Hold on, I’m reading NyQuil’s side effects.  Interesting.  Along with “constipation” and “diarrhea,” one of the side effects is actually, “trouble sleeping.”  I guess they have to put those on there to make sure they cover all their bases.

9:27pm  Tonight is the Men’s NCAA Basketball Championship!  It’s between team such and such, and team yada yada… actually I don’t really know who’s playing.  My junior college Alma Mater didn’t make the cut this year, so I don’t really care who wins.

9:30pm  Yesterday a teammate asked me how many teams were in the Final Four.  Later he asked me how I’ve managed to play baseball as long as I have.  My answer to both questions was the same: “Listen man, I really need to take a shower.”

9:34pm  This is my 2nd night in Colorado Springs.  And after all my recent hard work and exercise in Arizona… today, I was easily defeated by a flight of stairs.  Adjusting to 6,000 feet above sea level is no joke.  The important thing is to be patient, and wait for the elevator.

To Be Concluded…

Confused? It may or may not help if you read Part I and Part II.

It’s 4:08pm on Saturday March 25th, 2017.  My name is Tim Dillard.  I’m 32 years and 614 days old.  I’m a relief pitcher trying to win a spot for my 15th professional baseball season.  I’m currently in Arizona as part of Minor League spring training with the Milwaukee Brewers baseball club team organization.  I’m married and have 3 kids.  I enjoy movies, Star Wars, and movies about Star Wars.

4:11pm  I really need to work on my opening paragraphs for these blog things.  I remember my speech teacher back in college saying that the key to giving a good speech or writing an article, is to always start off with a funny joke.

4:12pm  But I can’t think of one.

4:13pm  Probably because I’m a little pressed for time.  My aforementioned offspring are enjoying nap/quiet time right now.  And according to my calculations, they will be standing on the furniture in 47 minutes.  And by furniture, I mean hotel furniture (so who cares really).  And by my calculations, I mean my watch.  And by my watch, I really mean the clock on my iPhone.

4:16pm  Yesterday a teammate walked in the clubhouse carrying coffee and wearing a huge round fancy wristwatch.  So just to be stupid, I asked him what time it was.  The guy stopped… dug his watch hand into his pocket… and emerged with a smart phone.  He hit the button to make the screen light up, but it was upside down.  But after repositioning his coffee between his arm and chest, he managed to flip the phone right side up.  “It isssssssss 6:37.”

4:20pm  Oh no, just heard a faint child cry from the other room… I’m betting it’s either my 18-month-old or my 76-month-old.

4:23pm  False alarm.  It was the TV.  Tell me again why ad agencies continually think it’s a good idea to have crying babies in their commercials?  I may be alone on this, but the sound of a crying baby in the house puts me on high alert.

4:28pm  Not sure why the TV was on anyway.  I really don’t watch that often. Unless you count sports, or the Dancing with the Voice Bachelor Project show my wife insists we view together.

4:29pm  During team stretch today, some of the guys were talking about the new Netflix show A Series of Unfortunate Events.  Jokingly, I asked if that was the show loosely based on my baseball playing career… no one laughed.  But honestly shouldn’t there be a show about the Minor Leagues?

4:34pm  Think about it… the plot could center around a Triple-A team.  It could be filmed in the offseason at any of the hundreds of unused baseball stadiums around the country.  It would probably work best as a dramedy.  And as far as casting and stunts, just call on former pro players who want to show off their acting chops!  Quick, anyone have Michael Bay’s err Steven Spielberg’s email?!

4:41pm  Just imagine the movie Summer Catch… but like completely different in every way.

4:42pm  Last week before batting practice, a bunch of position players were talking about the movies they have on digital download or their very legal hard drive.  So me being fluent in the language of movies, I naturally butted in on the fun.  But got some weird looks from the younger guys when I mentioned I had VHS growing up.

4:47pm  That same day I had a milestone event in my baseball career!  At the Angels stadium out here in Phoenix, I managed to pitch 2 different times in the same game!  I came in to end the 3rd inning, then came in again to end the 4th.  I know the rules can be bent in spring training, but pretty sure that’s the first time I’ve had 2 appearances in 1 game.  Guess I can add that to my list of strange career highlights.

4:51pm  It will sit right up there next to:  bunting in a hail storm, pitching with a broken hand, almost winning a fan a new mattress, breaking a 107-year-old record for most hit batters in a season, escaping a bases loaded jam with ice cream on my face, being ejected, stadium lights turning off mid-pitch during a potential no-hitter, maintaining a career Major League batting average of .500, almost tackling Will Ferrell in the outfield, fielding a groundball off a giant boulder, hitting a bird mid-flight with a pitch… never mind, actually, that last one happened to Randy Johnson.

4:59pm  No kids have emerged from slumber as of yet, so I guess I’ll keep typing.

4:59:49pm  And not to brag, but I was once one of the top 10 or 15 typers in my entire 8th grade class.  I was also third-string quarterback.  And that same year, during Awards Day at school, I was unable to accept my Perfect Attendance Trophy due to sickness.

5:02pm  Today starts the closing week of Minor League spring training 2017.  And for players, it can be a very difficult and emotional time.  With so many decisions left to be made, players wait, wonder, and worry about what will happen next.  Which Minor League team roster will I make?  Am I really ready for opening day?  Who do I ask to be roommates for the next 5 months?  How do I find an apartment in just a few days time?  What if I don’t make a team?  What if I get released?

5:09pm  These thoughts are real.  These thoughts are scary.  And there isn’t a vaccine or antibiotic to stop them from spreading. (believe me)

5:11pm  I told a rookie yesterday to stay strong and stay standing to the very end of spring training… I honestly have no idea what this means.  May have stolen it from a Facebook picture with a cat on it.  But I’d like to think what I meant was: to keep fighting and keep grinding and show the decision makers everything you are.  That will put you in the best possible position to be awarded a baseball season.

5:13pm  “I’m in a glass case of emotion!” -Ron Burgundy

5:14pm  The sound of furniture under attack means I’m done for now.

To Be Concluded…

6:21pm Okay wait, did I just misspell Phoenix a few minutes ago?  I must be tired.  During spring training, because of how early practice is, I usually go to bed around 8pm.  I blame the sun.  The sun out here is notorious for draining the energy right out of you.  Or I could just be hungry.

6:48pm Well my trip to Taco Bell was indeed a success!  Much like yesterday… and most of last week.

6:49pm Usually when I’m away from home, I try to eat at all the places my wife refuses to dine.  Tomorrow I’m hitting up Long John Silver (which conveniently shares a building with Taco Bell).

6:53pm Today, in-between spring training activities, I made time to share some of my baseball knowledge and wisdom with a younger generation of ballplayers.  And they found time to remind me that I am still the oldest and most bearded guy in Brewers Minor League camp this year.  But in their defense, I did utter these phrases at the field today: “Back in my day.”, and of course, “Not my first rodeo!”

6:55pm This is my 14th spring training.  And over my career I’ve had the privilege of 12 spring trainings with the Milwaukee Brewers team, and also participated in 2 spring trainings with the unemployment team.  Which means I’m enjoying myself, and appreciating baseball now more than ever.

6:58pm Because now at this stage everything is much more precious.  My past experiences have taught me to treat EVERY stretch, throwing program, sprint work (not poles), meeting, groundball, light weight training, bunt play, another meeting, conversation, workout, that other meeting, or whatever… with a tangible awareness that I have no idea which day will be my last in a baseball uniform.

7:01pm *grabs tissue, dabs eye* … Allergies out here can be challenging.

7:04pm You know what, looking around, I just noticed I’ve had the exact same room at this hotel for the last 3 spring trainings.  Hmm, I wonder how many people have slept in this bed since I was here last?

7:06pm Anyway.  During batting practice today I was asked why I run around the outfield like an idiot picking up baseballs.  The curious kid that asked is in his very first spring training camp.  So I walked up to the young buck (just over half my age), put my hand on his shoulder and said, “Eye wash man!  It’s eye wash!  I’m just trying to make sure all these coaches out here notice me hustling!”  Cause that’s what it’s all about.

7:09pm I mean, that’s part of it I’m sure, but I think some of it is just me being afraid.  Like in the movie Field of Dreams.  You remember the part when the young ballplayer runs over to help the little girl?  And as soon as he steps off the field he instantly transforms into the old white-haired Doctor “Moonlight” Graham?  (spoilers) Then we realize he’ll never be able to go back and play baseball ever again!  Well that’s kind of how I feel.  Except instead of being afraid of transforming into an 87 year-old mustached doctor, I’m afraid every time I leave, a security guard will be instructed to not let me back in.

7:14pm Right now baseball is in full swing (<-pun) and the excitement for baseball is palpable!  Like a hibernating bear that wakes up and just screams at everybody.  Spring training is that awakening!  Not sure who thought it up (you can google it), but it perfectly EASES players, umpires, coaches, broadcasters, bat boys, mascots, popcorn vendors, instant replay technicians, and of course fans seamlessly into another year of baseball history!

7:22pm My roommate just walked in, and has confirmed our room smells like tacos… with just the tiniest hint of fish.

7:25pm Hold on, got a text message…

7:26pm It’s an unnamed teammate asking what time stretch is in the morning.  When I get texts like this I usually send the picture I took of the weekly schedule posted in the clubhouse.  I always take a picture of the schedule because that’s what professional baseball does!  It makes you SUPER paranoid about being late… for anything… ever!  This is one of those times paranoia is a good thing.  Because as the saying in baseball goes, “If you’re 5 minutes early, You’re 10 minutes late!”

7:36pm Let’s see, what else happened today?  Oh yeah, I was asked about the first time I was called up to the Big Leagues.  Oh man, these stories are the life blood for Minor League baseball players.  We need them.  Because it proves The Show is in fact a real place and possibly within grasp.  And players crave inspiration.  So what could be better than hearing a first hand account of toeing the rubber in a Major League baseball game!  But actually my Big League Debut story is kind of an average story at best.  In fact, the best part of my debut story is what happened after the game: with me, on a sidewalk, being mistaken for star Milwaukee Brewers pitcher Ben Sheets!  Anyway, let’s just say there’s a gentleman out there somewhere with 14 Ben Sheets baseball cards with the signature “Tim Dillard48” scribbled on it!

7:48pm Okay yeah it’s late. As soon as my roommate finishes playing his Call of Medal Duty game, I’m falling asleep in this bed… and pretending it’s a brand new mattress.

To Be Concluded…

You can follow Tim @DimTillard and read more of his work at his blog.